Woke up just before 2AM on April 27th with a great urgency to write and God gave me this. I was being challenged greatly with letting go of my children. I believed I had, but I have gained a better understanding of faith and trust. I see faith as believing and when pursued while believing, it then that we trust. I liken it to floating on my back in water. I can believe water has the ability to hold me but it’s not until I surrender myself upon the water that the water can do what I am believing it for. Trusting the water requires me to submit myself in totality unto it. The water doesn’t need my help in holding me. Faith is inoperable until we release it, until we put it to use and activate it. I see that as trust.
I was believing God for many areas in my children’s lives but I wasn’t trusting Him. How, because I was still dipping my hands when I was supposed to be trusting Him.
Do you know that we can believe, but it’s not enough to bring it to life? Say I want to lose a few pounds and I believe I can, but if I don’t put my faith together with some force, the pounds will just sit there. Let’s just say and we all know it, Faith without works is dead, James 2:17.
Here is a clever way of seeing it: Our faith is a thing and like a sentence in order to make it complete, it has to have a verb. When a person, place or thing comes together with the action, it is completed. That action is called trust.
This is how He poetically opened my eyes:
Where is everyone. Am I home alone? The light came on. I was home alone.
I was home alone. Nobody’s fault. No one held me. They had left and gotten them one and I didn’t know.
I didn’t know they had left, but I remained. There had gone, but I stayed. No one told me and I couldn’t see. I remained. I didn’t move. The place they had left me, I remain.
Running errands, cooking, cleaning, minding the phone, still, but I was home alone. Everyone had left to get them one but I was home alone.
I was home alone. They were gone, but really never left. They were home more than gone.
The light finally came on. I was home alone. They left to get them one, but they didn’t leave me “one.” Now a “call girl.” I didn’t know I was home alone, because their voices was everywhere.
The same hairdo, clothes and same routine. I became a fixture.
When they shifted, I felt it. I didn’t know I was free, I remained. I was free to get me “one.”
I didn’t know cause I never let go. They took off, but I held on. I was free to be, but I didn’t let go. I held on but they left. I hung on for dear life. I didn’t know I was free. I didn’t know they had went and gotten them one.
I thought I had one, but I had many. I only needed one, my one. They had gone and gotten them one.
I am free now to have “one” life, my life!
Often times we as mothers and wives, we become fixated in our roles, long after our children are grown. Sometimes we don’t realize it and sometimes we do but, we just don’t want to let go. We just don’t want to cut the apron string. The same holds true as wives. There comes a time in life when we must free ourselves and allow ourselves to live and live unapologetically.
In the past couple of years, I started taking baby steps to intentionally live life. There were times that I felt guilty when my children call and I had to say, “no I can’t do it.” At times I would beat myself up by asking, “what kind of mother would tell their children no,” but I had to remind myself that my children were adults. I had to realize if I didn’t say no, I would always remain in that role.
I won’t say that I am not there for my children, but I am learning when to say yes or no. I am learning when to answer and when I must just watch my phone ring. We can’t answer every call. That’s why we have voice mails. I determine if it’s important or it could wait.
Mothers if we are not careful, we will go from being momma to “call girls” yes, “call girls.” We will be sitting at home right where our children left us waiting by the phone to answer their every command. Don’t our guilt to creep in. We have to free ourselves. We’ve given them a foundation and they have enough to build upon. Set yourselves free without apologies.
The same holds true in our roles as wives. As women, we are natural nurtures and sometimes we are more of a mother to our husbands than wives. I will tread carefully here. We can cook, clean and tend almost as good as his mother, but we sometime forget we are not his momma, we are his wife. Doing all of those things are good but what happens with us sometimes, we go into “momma overload.” We do what momma did for him so much so until we start looking like his momma; I mean literally.
Then we start wondering why he doesn’t look at us the way he use to before marriage or early in marriage. Well, how can he when you have become momma and he can’t look at his momma like that? You have become ninety percent momma and ten percent wife and now being husband to his wife has become an obligation. He’s doing it because he feels he should, not so much because he wants to.
Your husband is now seeing you like getting up on Monday morning, “well I guess I better get up because if I don’t work, I can’t eat.” He should be desiring his wife like waking up on a Friday morning, “It’s Friday, payday, weekend, and it’s Friday night, the mood is right.” That’s how it’s suppose to be.
I am not knocking anyone because in order to know one, I had to have been one. I was this woman. I became my husband’s momma and yes I have to admit, I still am in a lot of ways, but I have since awaken out of that sleep. If I am cooking and cleaning, I am certain to not look like his momma. I make “every” effort to catch his eyes. I look like his wife and he will know it quite well. I can’t nurture him looking like his momma or mine, because that’s all he’s going to want. In that case, who is going to be his wife? Who is going to give him what his mother can’t? Ok you go figure!!
Ladies it’s alright to take the time for you. Whether it’s a weekly pamper day or two, it’s ok. Your husband will appreciate rubbing his feet against a freshly waxed body or running his fingers through your hair without getting it stuck. Take the time and love on you and let it be in addition to what He’s doing. No one could love you better than you. When you love you, you set the tone for how you want to be loved. It puts a demand on him. If you walk around in a ragged house dress, bare feet, ragged hair, chipped nail and toe polish, he won’t care too much about grooming himself let alone wanting to snuggle with you. I guarantee a change will make a change. He will begin to say, “oh,I have got to do better.”
If this is new to you, start slow. Don’t let your husband come home one day and wonder if he’s in the wrong house. This will make a happier life for the both of you, especially you. Start loving you again. Often times ladies we get into a slump by saying, “oh my husband don’t do this or that anymore,” but do some assessments; why isn’t he doing it? Have you went and gotten relaxed at the settlement table? Signing a marriage certificate doesn’t mean you should “settle down.” It should be the beginning of life. You set the tone for how you want it to be. When you are getting ready to go out, you make certain the two of you look grand, but ladies you make sure his eyes lives on you. Take extra care to make sure you are groomed. If his eyes wander off, you won’t have to wonder if you look good you will be confident that you are beautiful. Their eyes may wander but don’t you ever be the reason for it and in the event it does don’t ever let it belittle you. Always know you are beautiful, why because you took the time to look beautiful for you, first. You be the lover of you, first. Desire your own beauty. What am I saying, desire to look beautiful for you. You should want to look in the mirror and see a beautiful well-groomed you, for you. It’s ok to put you first, because if you don’t sometimes you won’t, if you don’t.
I don’t want this to appear as I am promoting being selfish. There is a difference between being “selfish” and self-love. No one can love you better than you. You know how you want to be loved so you set the trend and they’ll follow, if not you will always have you and no one can do it better than you. Come on ladies! We got this! Happy Mother’s Day! I believe everyday should be our day.